Mid January 2003
0820 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



Austin was just approaching the break room when she heard two staffers talking.

"Seriously...I heard Miss Bradford and the Admiral...before Gunny came back- they were together...like really intimate."

"No way!"

"I'm not kidding. I got an email from a really reliable source."

Email?!? That rotten, evil....OOH...even out in the middle of the ocean she can cause trouble! Austin fumed silently forcing her face to remain an impassive mask as she strode past the two women. She didn't want them to know she'd overheard their conversation, not that she didn't dearly want to see someone pay, but she wanted to see the source of the gossip pay.

She closed the door and sat behind her desk biting her lip. It was time to come clean with Victor, before he heard it from someone else. Not that she was sorry about what she'd done, as far as she was concerned what was good for him was equally good for her. First she needed to talk to AJ though and let him know she was going to tell Victor...then she'd have to call Clayton.

"It was worth every second though," she murmured to herself lifting her phone to punch in Tiner's number.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


10 Minutes later...



"Go right in Miss Bradford, Ma'am...the Admiral is expecting you."

Austin walked through the open door closing it behind her taking a minute to admire AJ behind his desk reading through a stack of papers. There was just something about him she liked. Not just the fact that she could trust him 100%, though that was a big part of it. "Admiral?"

"Have a seat Miss Bradford," AJ removed his reading glasses and sat them on top of his desk. "You wanted to see me?"

"I did AJ. It's time I told Victor what happened between us. He deserves to know and I don't want there to be any secrets between us."

"Don't suppose I can talk you out of it, can I Austin?" AJ chuckled softly.

"No, I just wanted you to know I was telling him. Victor has no cause to get irate about this: he betrayed me first," Austin answered confidently, jutting her chin out defiantly.

"I'm not arguing with you, just wondering at your motivation. Things seem to be going well with you two."

Austin nodded and settled back in the chair. "They are going well...and that's one of the reasons: There can't be any secrets between him and I if we want our relationship to work out. I love Victor and I know he loves me. We owe each other honesty."

AJ nodded. He was sure there was more to it than Austin was telling him, but he knew pushing her for her reasons wouldn't make her tell him. "Maybe I'll invite Gunny to join me in the boxing ring tomorrow...he might want to work off some frustration."

"Thank you AJ...for understanding why I have to do this...I don't regret a second of what we had. You were there when I needed someone to make me feel like I could still be loved."

He just nodded and offered her a lopsided smile waiting until she was outside the door to say anything. "I don't regret it either..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1230 EST
Washington Monument
Washington DC



"Well Miss Bradford, to what do I owe the honor of your company for lunch?" Clayton Webb asked handing her a hotdog.

"We need to talk," Austin answered walking toward an empty bench.

"About?" Clayton was getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach about what she wanted to discuss. Maybe after this he'd volunteer for another overseas assignment.

"Us...what happened after we both had too much to drink."

"That...are you planning on coming clean with Galindez?"

"I have to. We're working our relationship out and there can't be any secrets between us."

"Let me get this straight: you and Galindez are getting along, things are going well and you think now is the time to tell him you and I spent one night together?"

"I do," Austin nodded, arching an angry eyebrow at Clayton's snort of disbelief. "What? I shouldn't tell him?"

"No, I don't think you should! Christ, he's going to hit the damn roof!"

"Oh no he won't. Victor knows he has no cause to get upset after what he did to me! At least I never made any pretense that what you and I had was anything but sex," Austin saw the look of wounded male pride flit across Clayton's face and decided to stroke his ego a bit. "It was great sex, don't get me wrong, but you are not the love of my life and I am not yours."

He shrugged and nodded, sucking in a deep breath. "Okay, you have me on that one...but why tell him?"

"Putting that bitch from hell Singer on the Seahawk was not enough to keep her from running her mouth. She's spreading gossip again...I want to tell Victor the truth before he hears I slept my way through the entire JAG Office and the CIA from someone else. I might have made some less than stellar choices, but I don't want to be portrayed as the office tramp."

"Galindez would never think that of you...lucky SOB," Clayton shot back leaning in to brush strands of hair behind her ear. He leaned in more and kissed her cheek softly. "Do what you think is best and if you need to talk you know how to find me."

"Thank you Clay...you're a good guy for a spook," Austin smiled patting his cheek before getting to her feet and dumping her untouched hotdog into the trash can.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


1945 EST
Bradford Apartment
Rosslyn, Virginia



"Outstanding meal as always my love," Victor sighed in appreciation  pushing away from the table.

"Well thank you Vic," Austin flushed in pleasure at his praise. She was glad he'd enjoyed the meal, because she knew he wasn't going to be happy about what came next.

Things were going so well between them in the bedroom and out. It seemed a shame to put that in jeopardy by admitting she'd had her share of fun while he'd been gone, but Austin believed complete honesty was the only way to go. Victor might not like it, it could end their fragile relationship, but she had to be honest.

"Hey...how about if we leave the dishes until morning?" He questioned in a husky voice standing to wrap his arms around her.

Austin closed her eyes while he nibbled from her earlobe down her neck. She had to be strong now: no sex before she told him and she was betting money on not getting any after she told him either. She was quite sure she'd be lucky if he didn't walk out on her. "Sounds wonderful Marine, but not tonight...I need to talk to you."

Victor stiffened withdrawing his arms from around her, bracing his heart for the final send-off. He'd been expecting it ever since Austin had said she could forgive him. "Talk about what?"

"Let's just go sit down," Austin prompted leading the way into the living room.

"I have to tell you Aus, you're worrying me," Victor laughed nervously taking a seat on the sofa.

"I'm sorry Vic, but this is serious and it isn't going to make you very happy..." Austin managed dropping her gaze to the floor to blink back a rush of tears. Why was she doing this? It was going to blow up in her face.

You're doing it because you can't live a lie...and right now that's exactly what you're doing, A small, quiet voice in her head informed her as Austin steeled herself and lifted her head . Avoiding it wasn't going to make it any easier: she had to face this head-on right now. She sat on the coffee table in front of Victor.

"You could sit beside me Aus...I don't bite."

"Not right now love," Austin whispered forcing herself to stop wringing her hands, forcing them to be still in her lap. "Victor, I need to be honest with you about something."

"I'm listening," He answered in a hesitant voice leaning away from her slightly as if he knew what would be said next would be painful.

"After...after you told me about being with Fareeza...I did some things...things I probably would not have done if I'd been thinking clearly."

"Tell me."

The words were whispered, but Austin could hear the steel in them. Victor was expecting the worst now and he'd drawn further away from her as if to protect himself. All right Austin... show this Marine what you're made of. "I had two one-night-stands."

"WHO?"

There was no mistaking the command in that word Austin thought meeting Victor's steely gaze with one of her own. She wasn't ashamed of herself, she'd been dealing with her pain in the only way she could think to deal with it. Now, with time and distance she could see other things she could have done, but then it had been a choice of being with AJ and Clayton or jumping off the tallest building she could find. Some small part of her had clung to life tenaciously and she'd opted for sex.

"I don't think who it was is important Victor."

"I want to know who!" He snapped in his best Drill Instructor's voice. Okay, so in the back of his mind he'd expected Austin to tell him this, he'd just never expected it would hurt so much. Like someone had poured ice water in his veins.

Austin drew herself up until she was sitting as stiffly as he was. She wasn't going to be intimidated. "Fine. You deserve that I suppose. Admiral AJ Chegwidden and Clayton Webb."

"WEBB??? Son of a...I'm gonna kill him!" Victor raged getting to his feet.

"No you are not!" Austin yelled grabbing his arm as he moved for the door.

"Let go of my arm Austin, let go right now or I'm not responsible for what happens," Victor pleaded trying to pull it out of her grip. Scalding tears flooded the corners of his eyes and he wondered bleakly if this was how she had felt after talking to him.

"Go ahead then...hit me if you want to. If that's the kind of man you are!" Austin spat in a shrill voice.

He turned stricken eyes on her. How could Austin think he'd ever hit her? Victor had never hit a woman and he wasn't going to start now. "You really think...I'd hit you?"

Victor moved away not fully aware that she'd let go of his arm raking his hand through his hair as he paced. "You think I'd hit you...you don't know me at all...hell, I don't know you at all."

"I had to be honest with you Victor. I know how much hearing something like that hurts, trust me I know."

"You-you had sex with my CO...and with Webb...I don't know what to say-I just don't know..."

"Yes I had sex with them. I'm not going to lie to you about that. I know it wasn't right, but dammit it I was on the edge each time. It was turn to them or jump and though I couldn't think of a reason to live I knew there had to be one," Austin dug her fingernails into the palms of her hand as she spoke keeping her emotional pain under control by inflicting 

physical pain.

Victor stopped by the front door looking at her solemnly while he reached for his jacket. "I think I'd better go now...I've got some thinking to do."

Austin crossed her arms over her chest giving him a measuring glance. "If you walk out, don't bother to come back Victor."

"What??"

"You heard me. I find it completely amazing that you don't seem to be able to forgive me for doing the same thing you did to me. Amazing."

Victor sighed and leaned against the door frame. "I didn't say I couldn't forgive you: I just need some time."

"Why should I give you that time? You didn't give me time. As soon as you were back you were calling me or here. You never gave me one minute to myself to think about what it was I wanted."

"So I'm a bastard," Victor muttered wearily. "I love you Austin...nothing about that has changed...I just need to think about how I'm going to face my CO in the morning knowing that he's seen every inch of you."

"No he hasn't...I wouldn't let him turn on any lights or light any candles."

"Christ...you know what I mean! He knows every inch of you now," Victor managed in a strangled voice.

Austin turned away. She couldn't deny that. AJ might not have seen her body, but he'd mapped it pretty well with his hands. "You're right...you should go."

She didn't realize Victor had even moved from his spot at the door until his hands closed around her upper arms spinning her to face him before he kissed her roughly, grinding his lips against hers until she pulled away.

"This isn't over Austin...I'm not losing you. Just let me have some time to think."

"Go...do what you need to," Austin waved dismissively turning her back on him. She wasn't going to watch him walk away.

"Take care of yourself Austin."

"It's what I'm best at," she answered flatly.

"No...I think what you're really best at is taking care of other people. Somehow Austin always ends up at the bottom of your list of people to be good to. Put yourself at the top my love," He said quietly before closing the door gently behind himself. He stood there for several minutes listening for something, not sure what, but when the silence stretched on he moved to the stairs glancing back regretfully as he descended.

Austin wandered into the kitchen, mechanically clearing the table and washing the dishes.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


0830 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



"Good morning Gunny."

Victor groaned inwardly. He'd hoped to be able to avoid the Admiral for as long as possible that day. Snapping to attention he decided his best bet was to lose himself in the role his rank required of him. "Good morning Sir!"

"At ease Gunny...walk with me."

"Uh Sir...I was going to go inventory the supply closet. Tiner said we were low on chisel-point staples and before I placed an order I wanted to see what else we needed."

"That was an order Gunny, not a suggestion: Walk with me."

Victor sighed and nodded curtly following his CO into his office.

"So, you know," AJ said as he hung his cover and overcoat on the hall tree.

"What would it be that I know Sir?" Victor asked letting some bitterness slip into his otherwise respectful tone.

"Don't take the tone with me Gunnery Sergeant. I might not be your favorite person right now, but I am damn sure still your Commanding Officer."

"I apologize Sir."

AJ settled behind his desk shaking his head. "You aren't going to make this easy are you Victor?"

"Permission to speak freely Sir?"

"Granted."

"Why the hell should I Sir?"

"Fair question...take a seat. I'd like to tell you about how this all came about. And before you say one word I am warning you Gunnery Sergeant Galindez that you will sit and you will listen to the entire story and then you and I are going to the boxing ring and we'll settle this once and for all."

"If the Admiral orders it Sir."

"The Admiral orders it. What part of sit down didn't you understand Gunny?"

Victor dropped into one of the high-backed leather chairs keeping his gaze fixed firmly on the blotter on the Admiral's desk.

"I don't guess Austin told you what led up to what happened between us, did she?"

"No Sir, Miss Bradford did not feel it necessary to share the details with me," Victor ground out in a tight voice. All he wanted was to forget the whole thing. He wanted to find Austin and get on his knees before her; beg her to forgive him and take him back.

"Well then I will."

"I'm sure you heard that Miss Bradford and I went to the symphony several times and to several plays. It was on the evening we went to see an amateur theater company's production of 'Lend Me a Tenor'," AJ tried to keep the slightly wistful tone out of his voice. He could still see Austin as she'd looked when he'd picked her up that night, not dressed to the nines, but looking very nice in a floral print straight skirt and black sweater.

"She mentioned she'd seen that play. She said it was wonderful," Victor answered in a monotone. He didn't like what he could hear just under the surface of the Admiral's voice. There had been something more than the need to offer comfort in Austin's evening with the Admiral, something that was still there.

"It was very good...and she laughed. Quite a laugh she has too," It lit up her whole face and made her eyes sparkle. AJ wisely kept the end of his thought to himself. It wouldn't serve any purpose to dwell on it, Austin was in love with someone else. He'd never be able to change that no matter what he did. Their one night had proved that.

"Austin's a special woman, Admiral," Victor affirmed.

"Yes she is and she loves you, son. Not love that you can just throw away and forget about overnight: I'm talking about real love that nothing can truly shake. What you did to her...most other women would have walked away without a backward glance. She didn't do that, couldn't do that would be more accurate I think. Oh, she wanted to at first, but her heart wouldn't let go of you."

"Obviously it let go of me a couple of times Sir," Victor spat back in a harsh tone regretting it when he got a sharp look from the older man.

"Don't be an ass, Galindez. You know she didn't let go of you completely. Just like you couldn't let go of her completely," AJ snarled.

"I'm sorry Sir, you're right of course. It's my own damn fault any of this happened. Austin trusted me to be faithful to her and to us...I can't sit here in judgment of her when what I did was worse."

"Now you're starting to make sense," AJ nodded. "While you're thinking clearly why don't you go apologize for walking out on her last night."

"How'd you-?" Victor asked before he knew. His stomach dropped, Austin had spoken with the Admiral last night. That wasn't a welcome thought. He'd wanted to believe what had been between Austin and his CO was one night, nothing more, but that wasn't the case obviously. "Austin called you?"

"No, I called her. Actually with a question from the SecNav, but we talked about other things too. She was pretty down last night. She'd convinced herself you weren't coming back no matter what you'd told her. Don't play games with her Victor...you do and I'll put you on your six faster than you can blink. If you love her then you make things right with her," If you don't get the hell out of the way for someone who does. AJ managed to bite his tongue in time to keep the last of the sentence from getting out. No way was he going to admit to his Office Manager that his feelings for Austin were a little more complex than friendship.

"Understood Sir. Permission to leave Sir?"

"Dismissed," AJ answered gruffly watching the Marine go, sighing when the door closed as he ran his hands over his head. God, he wanted to tell someone, anyone how great sex with Austin had been. He couldn't say a word though: he wouldn't do that to her. Nothing could stop him from remembering though.

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FLASHBACK>>>



"I had a lovely time," Austin laughed again as she took AJ's hand when they left the small playhouse.

"I did too...it was nice to see you smile again," He answered tucking her hand through his arm as he walked her to his SUV.

"I felt like I had something to smile about again," Austin answered her voice lowering as her thoughts drifted. "So much has happened...Bud...a new SecNav...Victor..."

"Oh no...none of that, tonight you need to remember how it feels to laugh and be happy. You don't need to carry the weight of the world," AJ put his hands on her shoulders, turning her to face him shaking her gently.

He saw the fat tear wobbling on the lashes of her left eye and wiped it away with a gentle thumb. "None of that...I mean it Austin. Let it go for one night."

"Could you...would you-" Austin took a deep breath to allow herself time to organize her thoughts. "Please don't bring me home right away...I don't want to be there right now."

"You're more than welcome to come to my place for coffee..."AJ offered quickly following it up with another offer. "Or I could drop you off at Harriet's?"

"I'd like to have coffee with you," Austin answered moving closer to him, resting her head against his chest.

They remained that way for several seconds then Austin lifted her head resting her chin against his chest while she looked up at him.

AJ brushed a hand over her cheek watching her lower her eyelids until her lashes were pillowed on her cheeks before closing his own eyes and lowering his head to kiss her. He'd expected the touch of their lips to make her push him away or cringe, but he adjusted quickly when she responded favorably.

When the kiss ended he helped her into the SUV and got in himself wondering if he should drive like a bat out of hell to get her to his place before she changed her mind. Watching her out of the corner of his eyes as he drove though it didn't look like she was going to change her mind. She was humming softly and smiling to herself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Coffee was forgotten when they walked to the porch steps hand in hand and Austin tugged him closer standing on the step so he wouldn't have to lean down quite so far to kiss her again.

"Are you sure about this?" He asked softly in her ear his cheek resting against hers breath rattling in his throat as her hands tugged his shirt from the waistband of his Dockers.

"Very sure," She purred back moving her head again to press her lips against his, melting at the feel of his hands kneading her hips.

Eventually fear of being seen groping Austin on his front porch made AJ move inside. He was surprised when he reached for the light switch and Austin's hand closed over his.

"No...please leave it off."

That hurt, just a twinge, but enough for him to know she was thinking of someone else right now. A Marine Gunnery Sergeant if he wasn't very much mistaken. AJ sighed, debated with himself what the right thing to do was, momentarily losing his train of thought when Austin's hands found his zipper. "You seem to know what you want Darlin'," he murmured softly guiding her toward the stairs.

"Mmm-hmmm," Austin agreed letting him lead her up the stairs. Once they were in the master bedroom she considered asking him to close the blinds so the faint glow from the street lamps was gone, but decided against it. It wasn't every day she took an Admiral to bed and she wanted to enjoy this.

The two undressed then met skin-to-skin beside the bed engaging in a long kiss which ended with AJ lifting on Austin's hips to help her onto the bed.

She lay back on the dark quilt assuming he would be following her shortly, half raising herself on her elbows when several minutes passed.

"AJ?" she questioned watching him staring at her.

"Miss me?" He asked getting into the bed beside her lying on his side so her hip was pressed against his growing erection. He stroked one hand lightly up and down her body getting the feel of the terrain, noticing what made her breathing quicken or slow.

Satisfied with that he shifted to his back pulling her gently up until she was straddling his hips. AJ ran his hands down her torso paying particular attention to her breasts until Austin whimpered softly.

"No fair teasing," she whined leaning down to kiss him.

"Just mapping the terrain Austin...but you're right...this is moving a bit slower than I'd anticipated,"

Austin soon found herself looking up at AJ again, barely able to see the outline of his face in the dim glow. She ran her fingernails lightly over his chest and down his abdomen stopping with a gasp of surprise as his hand moved between her legs to rub and stroke gently.

Several minutes of his attention had her squirming and finally she gathered her wits long enough to wrap her arms around his neck and pull his head down. "I want you...now...all...of...you..." She panted raising her hips to bump his suggestively.

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Present
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



AJ shook his head to clear away the memory of that night. Austin had been incredible, assertive when she needed to be, but not insistent on controlling everything.

"Be damn thankful Gunny that I'm an honorable man...otherwise you'd damn sure not have come home to find her waiting," AJ muttered opening one of the files on his desk.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bullpen



Victor found Austin in the break room flirting a little with Commander Rabb. Nothing more than he'd seen before, but now it made his stomach clench into knots.

"Good morning Commander Rabb, Miss Bradford. I was wondering Ma'am, if I might have a word with you?"

Austin shrugged. "Of course. We can talk more later Commander."

"Anytime Miss Bradford, anytime."

Austin preceded Victor into her office turning to note that he didn't look as if he'd slept much. But then neither had she. "How are you Victor?"

"Tired...tossed and turned a lot last night. Worried about you some..." Victor answered closing the distance between them. "I felt like a jerk mostly."

"A jerk?" Austin questioned.

"Yeah...like someone with my head so far up my six it isn't funny. I walked out on you last night. I should have stayed and we should have talked, but nope...I gave up and walked out."

"You did what you needed to do for you-"

Victor cut her off. "That's just it Aus, everything I've done since 9-11 has been about what I needed: none of it was about what you needed. I'm so sorry Aus...I should have put you first in my life...not myself. I asked you to give and give and give and I didn't give you anything in return."

"You loved me," Austin reminded.

"Not enough...you gave yourself to me heart, body and soul. I didn't return that."

Austin sighed deeply. "This isn't the time or place to have this conversation Vic...I have a meeting in 10 minutes with the new SecNav. I'm sorry, but I don't have time for this now."

"Tonight then...I'll take you any place you want to go for dinner."

"Sure," Austin smiled and patted his cheek. "I love you Vic...and I know what you've said to me so far hasn't been easy and I appreciate you telling me. I wish I had time to talk now."

"No, you were right. This isn't the time or the place. You have a good day Aus...I love you."

***********************************************************

0910 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



"What I am most curious about Miss Bradford is how a civilian, such as yourself, managed to be appointed as Director of the Navy's Exceptional Family Member Program."

Austin felt her back stiffen in anger at the question and reminded herself to count to 10 before answering. "I was hired based on my qualifications, Mr. Secretary. Before I took this position I spent two years as the Director of Special Education for schools in the Baltimore area. For three years prior to that I was the Assistant Director. I was also a Special Educator for 5 years."

"Impressive credentials. I'm not thinking of replacing you if you were worried about that. Just wanting to make sure Nelson was doing something right."

"With all due respect Mr. Secretary, Mr. Nelson did many things right. There were just some who were too short-sighted and bent on revenge to see that."

AJ had been sitting back, letting Austin handle the SecNav on her own when she spoke her last words, an obvious slam to the man before her who had been on the Senate Oversight Committee. Now it was all he could do to hide the grin that wanted to build on his face. Guess you won't be underestimating her again, will you Mr. Secretary? he thought.

"I can see Mr. Nelson's assessment of you as a shrewd young woman was right on the money. I trust you and I will work together just fine."

"I'm sure we will Mr. Secretary, as long as you understand from the start I do not sugarcoat things. I am always honest, no matter what."

"Miss Bradford, I don't think I'd want it any other way. Now if you'll excuse Admiral Chegwidden and I we have some JAG matters to discuss."

Austin nodded and rose trying not to giggle as both men rose too. She still hadn't gotten used to the display of manners. She left the conference room and headed toward the bullpen hoping Harriet was in. She wanted to talk to her best friend about what had just happened. Now that she was outside the room she knew how very close she had come to losing her job.

She noticed Harriet's empty desk and sighed. Ah well, she would deal with it on her own. No way was she going to bother her friend at home when she was dealing with little AJ and Bud. She walked into the break room to find Victor adding fresh cold water to the coffee maker.

"How was your meeting Miss Bradford?"

"It was fine Gunny," Austin smiled before walking into her office and dropping into her desk chair.

"Doesn't seem like it was fine Ma'am..." Victor whispered as he followed her in. She looked upset and tired, something he knew he wouldn't have noticed before. How many nights had she looked as lonely and depressed as she did now only to have him ignore it as long as he was getting what he wanted?

"I'm okay Vic, really," Austin sighed knowing she sounded anything but okay. She was tired of feeling as if she was only treading water and maintaining the status quo...that there was nothing she could do to improve things for the people who wanted and needed her help.

"You sound tired Aus. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Find me a magic wand so I can help all the people who expect me to be able to help them when...I-I haven't the foggiest clue...wh-what I'm d-d-doing," Austin choked out before putting her head down on her desk for a good cry.

The sound of her soft sobs tore into his heart as Victor eased the door shut. He locked it for good measure and went to her side kneeling down to turn her chair forcing her to put her head in her hands. "Hey...it's okay Aus, it's going to be okay."

"H-How can you say that? H-How??"

"I love you Aus, it's as simple as that. Mama has this print in her bedroom of First Corinthians 13...the Love is thing...I always thought it was nice, but I never really got it, you know? I think I'm getting it now," Victor soothed lifting her chin to see her red-rimmed eyes and tear-streaked face.

Austin wanted to believe this man before her had really changed and wanted to make things right, but she doubted this conversion was for real. In time Victor would slip back into his old ways and she would let him.

He stroked her hair away from her damp cheeks smiling tenderly. "Love is patient, love is kind...it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud...It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...Love never fails."

Austin was mesmerized by his soft voice as he recited the verses to her. "You-you mean all that?"

"I do...Mama always recited those words to us when she tucked us in at night. Even if she'd just had to bust my six for being a puke a minute before she always whispered that as she tucked me in. You're a lot like Mama, Austin: no matter how much I hurt you, you've never given up on me."

"I love you," she answered simply.

"I know that...and I'm going to spend the rest of my life trying to deserve that. I'm not going to make you come in second in my life again Aus...I promise you baby," he murmured cupping her face in his hands to kiss her forehead.

Austin was ready to put his arms around his neck when someone rapped on the door. She sat back with a sigh. "Figures."

"Plenty of time for that later," Victor grinned getting to his feet and opening the door coming face to face with the Admiral. He snapped to attention.

"At ease Gunny. I just came to see how you were Miss Bradford and make sure our esteemed Secretary didn't rattle you too much."

"He did rattle me, but I'm okay now. Gunnery Sergeant Galindez was explaining a few things to me," Austin beamed.

AJ smiled back. He wished he was the one putting that look on her face, but he was adult enough to be glad that she was getting her heart's desire. "That's fine then. Gunny, you may carry on."

"Yes Sir, thank you Sir."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2035 EST
Marie's Diner
Rosslyn, Virginia



"I'd have taken you anywhere you wanted to go," Victor reminded Austin squeezing her hand as they stood at the crosswalk.

"I know you would have, but this is what I wanted. Some comfort food some place close to home," Austin answered tugging him after her impatiently when the light changed.

"What my love wants, my love gets," Victor laughed holding the door for her so she could walk into the diner.

"What your love wants is some mozzarella sticks and an Olympia burger," Austin commented while they waited to be seated.

They took their seats across each other in a booth and Victor reached for her hands rubbing her fingers gently with his own.

"I think I could get used to all this attention Victor," Austin teased.

"You should...course I might get my six fired for not being able to keep my hands off you."

"We wouldn't want that Gunny," Austin smiled lacing her fingers through his.

Victor sobered a little and sat back. "You know there's a part of me that does want that. The Corps taught me a lot of important stuff: discipline, self control...but it also taught me some things I wish I hadn't learned: like keeping my feelings in check at all times. I was in for 17 years on my first hitch Aus...then three years as a Sheriff's Deputy then back in again...I've been doing this a long damn time."

"Do you want to retire?" Austin asked curiously.

"I don't know...some days I'd retire in a heartbeat. I'm not likely to advance beyond a Gunnery Sergeant at this point, not that I care about that anyway.

"Don't get angry love, but what would you do if you retired? I don't see you as the type to sleep in and be happy at home all day."

"Don't know what I'd do. Manny has that garage, I could be his partner. I'm pretty good with mechanical stuff. I could find some pretty woman to marry and have a houseful of kids with...then I could be a full-time Dad."

Austin smiled while her mind conjured a picture of Victor being climbed by a bunch of dark haired, olive skinned children. "I know you'll be an awesome Daddy someday, but I don't think that would be enough for you."

Victor sighed and sat back releasing her hands. "Yeah, you're right about that...I don't think it would be enough. Much as I'd like it to be...I've thought about requesting a transfer too... going back to being a DI maybe."

"I'll support you in whatever you want Vic," Austin slid out of the booth and back in beside him cuddling up against his side. She could see the brooding look building in his eyes and she wanted to defuse it as much as possible.

"I know you will...that's what makes you so damn incredible," Victor smiled, nuzzling her neck gently before the waitress came to take their order.

Once she left he turned his attention back to her. "What about you Aus? What do you want?"

She sighed and looked at the ceiling. "The fairytale: a husband, children, a house with a picket fence and a dog in the yard. I love what I do and I've never really bought into the stereotyped roles...or I didn't think I had, but I must have since here I am admitting I want the fairytale."

"There's nothing wrong with what you want Aus. It sounds pretty nice to me too," Victor assured her.

**********************************************************

2300 EST
Bradford Apartment
Rosslyn, Virginia



Victor wandered through Austin's apartment while she indulged in a long soak in her tub. He'd sat with her for awhile, sitting on the bathmat by her side, but he'd grown restless and decided he needed to be doing something.

There was a part of him that was still upset with Austin. That part wanted to demand how she had been able to judge him and be angry with him when she had been with two men in his absence. That part was dwarfed by the part that wanted to rip Clayton Webb apart, he couldn't see the Admiral using Austin for sex, but it was too easy to believe that Webb would do that to her.

That, of course, led to the question of what exactly had happened between his CO and his girlfriend. Austin might have been looking for comfort, but the Admiral had been looking for something more. Victor had a bad feeling that the older man had found it in Austin and one wrong move on his part would send Austin into Admiral Chegwidden's arms.

"Aus...I'm going to go out for a walk," Victor called needing some distance and space to decide what he was going to do. Maybe even a call to Maria. She'd have some sort of advice, she always did.

"What? Vic, is something wrong?" Austin's voice sounded worried and he heard the sound of her climbing from the tub.

"Nothing's wrong love, I'm just feeling restless."

"Victor...please don't go. If you're upset we should talk," Austin answered appearing in the doorway wrapped in a towel.

"I'm not upset...really. Go back and enjoy your bath sweetheart. I'll be back in a little bit," Victor urged pulling on his jacket before slipping out the door.

"Oh great...just great...forget making progress: I'd settle for making sense!" Austin grumbled going back to the bathtub to drain the water. So much for relaxing, maybe Clayton was right, maybe she'd made the wrong choice in deciding to be honest with Victor.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Outside...



Victor walked at a brisk pace, hands buried in his pockets, shoulders hunched to protect his ears from the cold. He found a pay phone on the corner and stopped lifting the handset and punching in his phone card access number followed by Maria's number. Hopefully his sister would be home.

"Hello?"

"Hay Sis, it's Vic...do you have time to talk?"

"Vic?? Sure I do. What's up little brother?"

"I need some advice Maria...about Austin and me."

"She forgave you, you idiot: what more advice do you need?"

Victor sighed and leaned a hip against the phone. "She had a couple of one-night stands after I told her about mine."

"What did you expect?? God Vic, she loved you and you tore her heart into little pieces. You should have seen her at Christmas, sleeping in your bed, wearing your sweatshirts and boxers to sleep in. She was like a lost soul. Then you did that to her...little brother if I were you I'd count my lucky stars that she wanted you back."

"I know all that, but Maria she slept with two other men!"

"Well, we know you can count at least. Listen to me carefully Vic: Austin loves you, she was hurt and lashing out. You have no right to be pissed at her now, because I'll bet she never told the men she was with that she loved them...and you told me you thought you loved Fareeza."

"Who's side are you on here?" Victor demanded angrily.

"The side that doesn't want to see you screw this relationship up. Your track record sucks Vic."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Vic muttered darkly. "I should let you go."

"No Victor...I'm sorry, I shouldn't be that mean to you, but Austin is the best thing that ever happened to you. Don't let her go."

"You're right Maria, I know you are..."

"Then let it go Vic, just let it go and work to make things between the two of you better."

"You're right Maria...and thanks. I knew what the right thing to do was, I just needed to hear it from someone else."

"Okay Vic...I'm glad I could help. Just don't let Austin go."

"I won't...promise. Bye Sis."

"Bye Vic."

Victor hung up and looked back in the direction he'd come. He wasn't quite ready to go back to Austin yet: he still needed to think.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

0015 EST
Bradford Apartment
Rosslyn, Virginia



Austin had given up on Victor returning at all and headed for bed. She was just on the verge of drifting off when she heard the locks on the front door clicking open. She sat up and climbed out of the bed walking into the dark living room. "Vic?"

"Yeah, I'm back...I figured you'd be asleep."

"You figured or you were hoping?" Austin yawned wrapping her arms around herself.

"I don't hate you Aus...if that's what you're thinking. I guess I'm just kind of confused," Victor sighed shrugging out of his jacket then crossing the floor to wrap her in his arms.

"Confused about what?"

"Well...I had a talk with Admiral Chegwidden this morning. I think he feels more than friendship for you...I guess I wonder how you feel," Victor replied.

"I love you, that's what matters," Austin promised snuggling into him.

"I love you too...and you're right, but I can't help but feel kind of bad. I think the Admiral wishes I weren't around so he could have you...and I'm sure Webb feels the same."

"I can't speak for either of them with any certainty, but I don't think Clayton wants me and AJ respects my feelings."

"Webb's a damned fool Aus...any man would be lucky to have you," Victor growled.

"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but do you have any idea how weird this conversation is? My boyfriend saying another man is a fool for not wanting me??"

Victor chuckled shaking his head. "I didn't think about it that way. How about I tuck you in again so you can get some rest?"

"Will you stay with me?" Austin asked softly.

"You really want me to?"

"Of course I do...please Vic, I just want to be held."

He kissed the top of her head and led her back to the bedroom, helping her into the bed before stripping and getting in beside her pulling her back against his chest so her buttocks were pressed against his hips and their legs were entwined.

************************************************

Victor's Dream...

"Well hi there Miss Bradford," Harm drawled, his flyboy grin lighting his face as he leaned on the open door of his apartment.

"I think we can dispense with the Miss Bradford stuff now Harm...if you're going to see me naked I think you can call me Austin," she answered rising up on tiptoes to put her arms around his neck, pull his head down and kiss him hungrily.

"Far be it from me to argue with a lady, Austin," Harm murmured as his hands went under her blouse, unhooking her bra so he could hang it on the doorknob.

"Oh goody, we won't be disturbed," she purred as he lifted her into his arms. Austin wrapped her legs around his waist as the door closed.


***************************************************


0245 EST
Austin's Apartment



Victor woke up with a start, shaking his head as consciousness returned to try and erase the image of Austin kissing Commander Rabb. Man, where did that come from? he wondered moving carefully so he wouldn't wake Austin. She would have told him if she'd been with Rabb, right?

She'd rolled away from him at some point and was sleeping on her stomach at the edge of the bed. That usually didn't happen, Austin was a cuddler. The first night they'd spent in the same bed he'd barely slept a wink because every time he moved she cuddled closer until she'd cuddled him right out of bed and onto the floor. Now here she was sleeping on the edge of the bed like she was trying to get away.

"I messed us up bad, didn't I baby?" He sighed pulling her gently closer by tugging on the blankets she'd wrapped around herself.

Austin grumbled a complaint and lifted her pillow, pressing it over her head.

"Okay, okay...no cuddling," Victor soothed rolling so his back was to her feeling his eyelids grow heavy again.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Austin's Dream...

Austin looked up when it was over between them a small smile on her lips.

"You okay darlin'?"

She just nodded lacking the presence of mind to form words in the wake of the best orgasm she'd had in recent memory. It was all she could do to keep her eyes open at this point, she felt like all her energy had been sucked up during intercourse.

"You look tired, why don't you sleep...I'll leave you alone," AJ promised stroking her cheek gently with a finger.

"Stay," Austin whispered hoarsely turning her head to kiss the side of his hand as it brushed along the curve of her jaw.

"Your wish is my command," AJ promised settling back with his chin resting on one hand to watch her sleep. He saw her eyes drift shut then reached out feeling for her body under the blankets, rubbing his hand over her smooth skin.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


0330 EST



What in the hell was that?? Austin demanded silently as she sat up in her bed with a gasp. Her night with AJ hadn't been like that. Okay, they'd had sex, pretty fantastic sex at that...then he had gotten up and left the room, leaving her to sleep while he'd done god only knew what. He certainly hadn't stroked her body while she tried to sleep...though that might have been a nice touch.

She drew her legs up in front of her resting her chin on her knees as she replayed the dream in her mind. Victor was snoring softly beside her and Austin looked over wondering what he'd do if she woke him up and initiated sex.

It just wasn't the right time, and she wouldn't be doing it for the right reasons, Austin thought with a pout. Having sex with Victor right now would be the wrong thing for both of them: he would think she was only trying to appease him or something and she would know she was doing it to try and forget Clayton and AJ. The relationship was still too shaky to jump into the physical aspects of it again. Not right now.

"I'm not going to sleep again tonight..." she sighed to herself sliding from the bed to pad into the living room.

"Hey," Victor's voice called softly as she walked through the bedroom door. "Everything okay?"

"I can't sleep...I'm sorry I woke you," Austin answered hoping he'd just drop back off. There was no sense in both of them being exhausted in the morning.

"Come here...maybe a nice massage would help you relax and sleep," Victor suggested patting the place she had just vacated.

Austin walked back dropping onto the bed. "You should be sleeping you know."

"So should you my love," Victor countered beginning to knead the muscles in her neck.

"OW!" Austin yelped jumping away from him when his fingers started manipulating a particularly big knot between her shoulder blades. Clayton had given her a massage when they'd been together, but it hadn't hurt and it hadn't ended with the massage like this time would.

"Sorry...man you're tense Aus. I didn't mean to hurt you sweetheart," Victor apologized pulling her into the circle of his arms until her back was resting against his chest and he could put his chin on her shoulder.

"It's okay."

"No, it's really not. You deserve better than this Aus...I woke up a little earlier and you were sleeping on the edge of the bed about as far from me as you could get without leaving the room...then this time you were leaving."

"I couldn't sleep. I didn't want to disturb you Vic," Austin reminded.

"Disturb me Aus, kick my stupid six...do whatever, but please don't let this be over."

"Over? Us...now wait a minute. I thought we were okay and we were working the problems out?" Austin said in confusion. "Rebuilding broken trust...stop me if any of this sounds familiar at all to you."

"It just feels like we're never going to be the way we were," Victor confessed  squeezing her gently in his arms.

"We won't be Vic, we can't be," She turned in his arms putting her head on his chest.

"I know that...but this is scary: I'm a Marine, trained to be in control at all times. This feels all out of control-I know the end result will be everything I've always wanted, but getting there is going to be hard."

"For both of us Victor, I'm not enamored of the idea of letting my control go, but then I'm also not prepared to spend the rest of my life alone. Life is too short not to live it to the fullest every minute."

"You're a smart woman Aus...what in the hell do you see in a dumb jarhead like me?" Victor teased.

"My future," she whispered back rubbing her face against his chest.

*************************************************

0920 EST
JAG Headquarters

Falls Church, Virginia



"All right people, let's get to work. Miss Bradford, a word with you if you please," AJ called noting that the EFMP Director was on her way out the door.

"Of course Admiral Chegwidden," She answered politely stepping out of the way so the officers could pass her.

"What'd you do now?" Harm teased winking playfully at her as he passed.

Austin rolled her eyes at Mac, who just happened to be walking out behind Harm. When the room was finally empty she walked back to the conference table running her fingers along the smooth polished surface. "You wanted to speak to me?"

"I did. I was wondering how you were feeling after yesterday? I hope Sheffield didn't rattle you too much," AJ indicated the chair to his right and Austin sat down.

"He made me more angry than anything else. I don't take my credentials being questioned lightly. Probably because I wondered the same things when I got this job. Why me over some career Navy person?"

"Nelson wanted the best. None of the Navy personnel we interviewed had your resume and none were as passionate as you about the rights of Special Needs children and their families. You were far and away the most qualified candidate," AJ assured her.

"Gee you mean I wasn't hired because I have nice legs?" Austin quipped in an angry tone.

AJ sighed. "Sheffield is an ass of the highest order. Don't you let him shake you. You have a great deal of support from people much higher up than him."

"Maybe so, but I still have to work with him," Austin spat. "I just had Mr. Nelson all trained the way I wanted him...now I have to train another pompous windbag!"

"I don't think it's going to be a problem for you. You can handle ex-Seals, Marines and spooks: how much challenge can one ignorant ass be?"

Austin smiled and leaned forward in her chair. "If we weren't here right now I would give you the biggest hug. Thank you AJ, I really needed the pep talk."

"You're welcome Austin anytime," AJ answered watching her walk away with a bemused smile. Damn did he need to find himself a girlfriend. One who knew her limits and abilities and didn't insist on crossing the line as Meredith had and one who wasn't all ready spoken for by an NCO under his command.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1200 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

Clayton Webb stepped off the elevator looking critically at the bouquet of long-stemmed lavender roses he was carrying, peeling off petals that looked wilted. No way was he going to risk a thrashing from Galindez for anything less than perfect roses. Satisfied that the bouquet was perfect, he continued toward the Bull pen.

He entered to find the usual swarm of activity and was thankful not to see Galindez at his desk. Of course, it was lunch time. Hopefully the Marine wasn't in Austin's office. He headed toward the break room only to be stopped by someone clearing their throat. Oh great...the Admiral.

"Webb, just what in the hell are you doing?" AJ asked quietly as he approached the spy.

"Delivering some flowers," Webb replied with an innocent smile.

"Tell me they're for Colonel Mackenzie or Lieutenant Sims."

"I could Admiral, but we both know that would be a lie. I thought Miss Bradford could use some cheering up. I heard about Sheffield...and got the pleasure of hearing him tell the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court what great legs she has. Which I might add is completely true."

AJ rolled his eyes and sighed. "I suppose you made sure that comment went to someone who would appreciate hearing it even less than I did?"

"The President may have heard about it Sir. Through the First Lady, Mother and Mrs. Bush have lunch occasionally and I may have let the comment slip to her when we were having dinner last night," Webb smiled. Sheffield had questioned his abilities about leading the operation in Afghanistan and he felt he owed him for that.

"Good lord Webb...remind me to stay on your good side. Miss Bradford is in her office," AJ decided to let the spy go. It might do Gunny good to see someone else taking an interest in his girlfriend. Maybe he'd get his head out of his six.

Austin was reading a report from one of her Case Managers when she looked up to see Clayton Webb in her door with the most beautiful roses she'd ever seen. "Clayton?"

"Hello Miss Bradford, these are for you," Clay handed her the bouquet. "I was also wondering if you were free for lunch. My treat, of course."

"I shouldn't, I have a million and one things to do," Austin bit her lip.

"You still need to eat."

"I suppose you're right...I'd hoped-" Austin cut herself off. If Victor didn't want to have lunch with her that was his business. "Never mind...I'd love to have lunch with you."

"Wonderful," Webb held her coat for her so she could slip into it then tucked her arm through his as they walked back to the elevators.

Neither noticed the Marine Gunnery Sergeant coming out of the supply closet as they passed through the Bullpen or the shocked look on his face.

"Son of a..." Victor muttered to himself watching Webb say something to Austin that made her laugh and smile before they disappeared around the corner to the elevators.

He'd lost track of the time. It had been his intention to ask Austin to have lunch with him, though he knew it would be nothing near as fancy as the lunch she'd have with Webb. There was a little sandwich shop within walking distance that they'd both been to and enjoyed and he'd planned on taking her there. Of course Webb had beaten him to it. Swearing softly Victor slouched into the chair behind his desk and brooded for several minutes over his ruined plans.

I could leave her a note on her desk or something...Webb can't ruin that, Victor decided reaching for a pad of paper. Austin had always told him it was the little things that she liked, not big, fancy gestures. He penned the note hastily and went to her office to leave it on her desk catching sight of the roses on the table instantly.

Feeling a little bit like he was invading her privacy Victor lifted the card from the bouquet and read it. "You're in my thoughts, Clayton," he read softly feeling his stomach sink. No way could he compete against the spy for Austin. The Admiral would be hard enough...but Webb too? He dropped the note on the keyboard of her laptop and went back to his desk grabbing his cover and jacket so he could go get some lunch and think.

****************************************************

Restaurant



"So tell me...what's going on between you and Galindez? Did he hit the roof when you told him?" Webb asked as soon as the waiter had taken their drink orders and left.

Austin drummed her fingers on the table thinking about how exactly to sum the situation up to Clayton. She could think of a lot of things to say, not many appropriate for the posh restaurant they were seated in.

"Is it that bad? You want me to talk to him?"

"Are you nuts?" Austin demanded. "Do you want to be used as a punching bag??"

"Not really," Webb admitted smiling. "Tell me about it Aus. I really am a good listener."

"Okay, you asked for it, just remember that," Austin growled before taking a deep breath and launching into her explanation.

"Vic wants me to handle and accept the fact that he got involved with, even on some

level cared for though at the time he said loved which he has since backed away from, this Afghan bitch while he and I were supposedly in love, planning to buy a house get married, have kids and spend the rest of our lives together. But he's having a little difficulty with the idea that I was not involved with but merely slept with two guys after he broke my heart, embarrassed me in front of my friends and colleagues, we had broken up, our relationship was over and I never wanted to see him again."

Webb shook his head and gave a long, low whistle. "Wow."

"You can say that again. And now to top it off I have some perverted old cretin out to take my job!" Austin spat snatching her glass of wine from the waiter, gulping half of it down in one swallow.

"Hmmm...I think perhaps we'd like the entire bottle," Webb suggested smiling at the waiter before turning back to Austin. "Don't let Sheffield get to you."

"That's awfully easy for you and AJ to say: he didn't imply you were hired based on whom you provided with sexual favors!"

"Not that I know of, but I wouldn't put it past the old weasel. He tried to get Novelli canned after he was appointed to the Supreme Court. He wants to see who he can bully, that's all. Be tough Austin."

"I'll show the SOB tough," Austin muttered to herself imagining kneeing him in the groin.

"Now back to Galindez. Do you want things to work out between the two of you?" Webb leaned back out of her way when she shot him a murderous look. "Okay, that's a yes."

"Of course I do!" Austin answered miserably.

"He cares about you Austin, I know he does. I can't tell you why he isn't doing more about it, but I can tell you he does care."

"But is it me he cares about or am I just the means to an end for him. Am I just the woman he can call wife and get to bear his children or does Victor really want me?"

"Okay...you've had enough wine. You're getting depressed on me," Webb joked handing her his handkerchief as a few tears leaked from her eyes.

"I just want to know where I stand with Victor. Should I just have kept lying to him?"

"No-no telling him about what happened was the right thing to do. You've both laid it all on the table now. And he has a lot more to be sorry for than you do. Let him realize that."

"Clayton, by the time he gets it I could be 85."

"I doubt it...He's not stupid. He's going to realize soon that you don't have to be waiting around for him to get his head out of his ass: there are other men out there who want to be with you."

"If you are coming on to me Clay, I swear-"

"Nope...nope...guy acting like a friend here...easy killer," He joked holding up his hands in a gesture of surrender. "Just trust me... Galindez will come around."

"Soon I hope..."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

125 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



Victor was just getting ready to enter the stairwell when he saw Austin come in and head for the elevator. She looked fairly happy, but not ecstatic like she would if she had just had lunch with someone she was in love with. Good, he had a chance here.

"Good afternoon Miss Bradford."

"Oh, good afternoon Gunnery Sergeant," Austin smiled as the elevator doors glided open. "Are you going up?"

"Yes I am...mind if I share the car with you?"

Austin leaned against the back wall of the elevator her knees wobbling from the force of his dimpled grin. "Of course not."

"Did you have a nice lunch Austin?"

Austin braced herself for the jealousy she was sure was coming. "It was very nice Victor."

"That's good, I'm glad," Victor answered. "I'm only sorry I didn't get a chance to ask you first. I meant to, but I let myself get too wrapped up in organizing the supply closet. I'm sorry Austin."

His apology and the earnest look in his dark eyes took her breath away and Austin was reduced to staring at him while the elevator rose.

"Well, this is our stop. Have a good afternoon Miss Bradford. I hope you don't mind, but I saw the roses in your office and took the liberty of getting you a vase for them. They were nice and I didn't want them all wilting before you had a chance to enjoy them."

Austin's jaw dropped at those words. She'd expected him to tell her he'd run them through her shredder, not that he'd found a vase for them. What was going on? "Th-thank you Gunny. Have a nice afternoon too."

She shook her head as she walked through the Bullpen and into her office closing the door. Sure enough there were her roses on the table in a vase. Even the card was still in them and she would have expected him to shred that for sure. She sat down behind her desk finally noticing the note on her keyboard. Smiling to herself she picked it up.

"Aus, I wanted to write something really profound and wonderful to you, but I couldn't think of anything. Well one thing, but it's kind of silly. I'll write it anyway: I love you. If you're free tonight I'd like to give you a list of the things I love about you the most. Hope to see you, until then Vic."

Austin fanned herself with the note leaning back in her chair. "I think I can definitely make time in my schedule for this Gunny..."

*********************************************************

1735 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

Victor looked around the parking lot as he pulled the government issue car into its space. He'd sort of hoped Austin would still be at work and he could offer to drive her home, but that was okay. This would give him more time to build his courage, assuming Austin even wanted to see him that evening.

He was quite sure she did, he'd seen the look on her face when he'd told her he'd found a vase for her roses. Not that his first impulse hadn't been to grind the beautiful lavender petals into the carpeting, but that wouldn't have proven a thing. Except that Clayton Webb probably had more to offer her. Victor was smart enough to know he could never compete with Webb in the area of money, but he could definitely compete in the area of loving Austin.

"Thanks for coming with me Gunny...I'm sure you would rather have stuck around JAG Ops," Mac said smiling as she opened her door and stepped from the sedan.

"You're welcome Ma'am...and it was nice to get out for a little while."

"Oh please Gunny...don't lie to me. I saw you putting Austin's roses into a vase...I've seen you watching her and the look on your face. I know the two of you are trying, but it seems like things might be kind of rough still," Mac answered watching his expression as she spoke.

"We're working on it Ma'am...and after what I did I don't even deserve that much from her. She's an incredible woman, Colonel."

Mac nodded and smiled patting his shoulder as she walked past. "Of course she is Gunny: make sure she knows you think so. Thank you again for going to the Pentagon with me."

"Not a problem Ma'am...have a nice evening," Victor called before turning back to the car, logging the mileage before returning the keys to the Corporal on duty. Then he went into the building opting to take the stairs to the bullpen.

The lights had been shut down save for the ones which were left on all night and Victor crossed to his desk in the gloom surprised to see a folded piece of yellow paper on his keyboard. He recognized Austin's flowing script and smiled as he took a seat to read.

"Please do come over this evening Victor. I must admit I'm a little curious about this list of yours. I love you too...despite the pain it has caused. You're still my favorite Marine. Aus."

"Outstanding..." Victor cheered softly going through the few tasks he had left before he went home for the evening.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1920 EST
Austin's Apartment
Rosslyn, Virginia



Austin leaned her head against the back of the sofa and took another sip from her glass of wine. She was sure Clayton and AJ would cringe at her choice of the fairly inexpensive chablis, but she liked it and that was what mattered. She'd been thinking all afternoon about the men in her life at the moment, friends and otherwise.

The thinking hadn't done much but make her feel sort of down. AJ was a perfect gentleman, probably the perfect choice if she wanted stability and security, and Clayton would be able to shower her with everything money could buy even if he wouldn't ever give her his entire heart. Thinking of walled off hearts immediately made her think of Harm, he was just a friend and an incurable flirt, but sometimes she couldn't help wondering what he looked like out of his uniform. As illogical as it might have seemed Austin just could not get past the fact that she wanted Victor. For all his faults he was the only one of the men she'd just considered who made her pulse quicken and his kisses made a warm, tingling feeling spread through her belly.

As lovers Clayton and the Admiral had some moves Victor didn't, but she didn't care. She'd used the other men for comfort, Victor was the one she wanted in her bed all the time. She drained the glass of wine she was drinking and set it on the coffee table thinking how good another glass would taste and how well it would go with her current thoughts.

"Oh good...I'm going to become a closet drunk...but at least since it only takes one glass to give me a nice buzz it'll be a cheap hobby for a while longer," Austin commented to the cat lounging on the back of the sofa.

Daisy yawned in answer and jumped down to stretch before padding her way to the door. She sat with her head cocked to one side as if she knew there was someone on the other side.

"Who is it oh fearsome watch kitty?" Austin giggled getting up to take a look through the peephole. She jumped back with a small shriek of fear when she saw Victor on the other side.

"Okay, do you have any idea why it is he's just standing there?" Austin asked her cat who'd decided the dust under the hall tree was much more fascinating than a man standing outside the door. "You're no damn help!"

There was a soft, hesitant knock and Austin sighed. Victor wasn't usually hesitant about anything: this just wasn't like him. Maybe even though she wanted him more than anything she'd ever wanted in her life they weren't good for each other. Forcing a smile to her lips she opened the door.

"Hey there Aus...may I come in?"

"Of course, I was wondering if you were really going to come," Austin commented watching him slip out his jacket and sneakers.

"I was wondering if I was really going to have the courage," Victor's reply was honest even though it went against every bit of his training to admit that much weakness to another human being.

He watched Austin watching him her lower lip held tightly between her teeth, wondering what exactly was running through her mind at the moment. "Penny for your thoughts."

Austin shrugged. "It's nothing..."

"It's not nothing Aus...you aren't like that. You never look that pensive unless you're having some pretty deep thoughts. Share them with me love," Victor urged setting the gift bag he'd been carrying down so he could pull Austin into the circle of his arms.

They stood there for awhile, Austin relaxing by degrees. Victor could practically feel the tension flowing from her as her back gradually pressed tighter against his chest. He kept his arms wrapped around her waist and finally began swaying gently back and forth seeking to relax her even further.

"I was just thinking...that I want you so much, but I don't know if this relationship is good for either one of us."

"It's good for me Love, you're good for me. You've made me see there's an entire world outside of the men and women I work with every day. You've shown me how important it is to care for and defend those who can't do that for themselves."

Austin laughed. "How have I showed you that?"

"By being yourself my love...you advocate for children who might otherwise be voiceless: you speak for them and you get them what they need no matter who stands in your path. You don't back away from a battle if it's worth fighting."

"Neither do you," Austin murmured feeling more of her tension slipping away.

"You're wrong there Aus. I don't fight for the most important thing there is. I didn't fight hard enough for us, for our love when I was in country. I was pretty damn weak then."

"I'm not going to disagree with you Victor," Austin answered tensing again as she pushed away from him.

"Let's go sit down," Victor suggested latching on to one of her hands before she could slip away from him completely.

Austin allowed herself to be led back to the sofa and settled into her usual corner tucking her legs underneath herself. A smile tugged the corner of her lips up when Victor set the gift bag on her lap.

"For my lady."

Austin opened it and a full smile broke out over her face. "More Vanilla...mmmm."

"I love the way it smells on you..." Victor moved closer from where he'd been kneeling on the floor brushing the hair away from the nape of her neck. "Especially the way it smells on the back of your neck."

Austin shivered at the feel of his warm lips against her skin.

"I love your hair...your ears...your beautiful eyes..." Victor punctuated each phrase with a tender kiss. "Your lips my love."

Austin let her eyelids drift shut as Victor's lips touched hers, his hand moving to cup the back of her head and tangle in her hair.

"Wh-what else do you love about me?" Austin asked in a breathless tone when the kiss finally ended.

"Your body...every part of it," Victor answered in a slightly hoarse voice. "I love your mind. How smart you are and how easily you can find exactly the words you want no matter the situation. Most of all baby: I love your heart."

Victor paused, taking a deep breath, screwing up his courage for the last of what he wanted to say. This was the part he'd debated all the way home and the entire drive to Austin's. It was the most important thing he had to say and the hardest. It was this that he knew would either make or break their relationship. It terrified him. "I love that when you love someone you do it without reservation. You give your entire heart and soul, everything that you are you give to the person you love. Even though there's the chance of being hurt deeply you never hold back Aus. Even when you get hurt you don't lock your heart up. I love that you believe in second chances Austin...and I am so thankful...that you are giving me...one."

The last few words stuck in his throat as his emotions began to get in the way. Sighing deeply, relieved his speech was over, Victor cupped her face in his hands and leaned his forehead against hers closing his eyes.

"I love you Victor," Austin whispered sliding closer to him putting her arms around his neck.

He pulled her into his arms, ignoring his growing erection, just needing to have her in his arms for the moment. "Te amo, Aus."

They held each other for a long while, enjoying the silence and the nearness of the other.

Austin moved first, shifting in Victor's arms so her legs weren't at uncomfortable angles underneath her. She wound up straddling his legs, silently cursing the coffee table which was hitting her in the back.

"Not very comfortable, is it?" Victor asked running his fingers along her cheek.

"It would be fine if the coffee table wasn't jammed into my kidneys," Austin answered breathing a sigh of relief when Victor reached out and shoved the offending piece of furniture away.

"Better?" He inquired with a dimpled grin.

"Being with you like this is what's better," Austin murmured fixing her gaze on his lips. "And it would be perfect if you'd kiss me."

"If my lady wants a kiss..." Victor chuckled leaning forward until their lips met, not noticing that Austin had leaned back enough to throw their balance off.

Austin grinned triumphantly looking up into Victor's bewildered gaze when he found the two of them suddenly on the floor. "Hi there."

"You planned that didn't you? Getting me to move the coffee table," Victor accused.

"Could be...but I still need my kiss," Austin pouted. She thrust her lower lip out and tried to look pitiful managing it until Victor's lips descended on hers.

After several minutes of kissing, during which time Austin's pulse rate rose while her breathing quickened the couple decided to move to the bedroom.

Not willing to lose a second's contact with her Victor climbed to his feet with her in his arms, lips still locked together. He groaned softly into her mouth when she wrapped her legs around his waist.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" Austin demanded huskily.

"Not a chance...I can bench press 275...carrying my love isn't even a challenge."

Once they were in the bedroom Austin let him lower her into the middle of the bed and watched in the semi-darkness as he undressed while she slipped out of her own sweatshirt and sweatpants. She considered removing her bra and panties, but decided to leave them for him busying herself with arranging the pillows behind her head. The first time they'd made love in her bed she'd banged her head into the headboard, something she didn't care to repeat.

"For me?" Victor growled playfully fingering the purple lace of her bra. He had a sudden image of Webb or the Admiral doing the same thing with Austin and quickly shook it away: this was about them now, not about the past.

"For you," Austin affirmed reaching up her arms to tug his head down for a kiss, grumbling in mock-frustration when he fended her off with a quick peck before kissing his way down her neck.

"Front closing too...boy, you're spoiling me," Victor nodded his approval of the bra before unhooking it moving it away from her breasts moving his lips to circle gentle kisses around her left breast paying special attention to the nipple when it hardened under his attention.

Austin gasped at the sensation of his lips on her breast arching her hips up toward him when he took the nipple into his mouth and sucked gently.

"That's right my love..." Victor encouraged trailing his kisses lower, licking a circle around her navel.

Austin reached down and grabbed him by his upper arms, hauling him back up so she could kiss him. He accommodated her wishes propping himself over her on one elbow while his other hand was free to slip beneath her cotton panties.

She was about to lose herself in the sensation of his touches and kiss when Fareeza's face popped into her head. She'd demanded at one point that Webb show her a picture of her "competition" and now she knew why he'd been so reluctant. If she'd only known of the woman it would have been bad enough, but now she could see Fareeza's face and she wondered if Victor had done and said the same things with her. Was he seeing Fareeza's face now while he was kissing her?

Victor felt her stiffen underneath him and wondered dimly what that was about but thought little of it until she tore her lips away from his and braced her hands against his shoulders.

"NO! No more!" Austin cried pushing him away.

For a brief second, Victor thought of resisting her and continuing on with what he was doing, but it was only a flash and then he was sitting up, moving away watching in concern as Austin trembled and crawled under the blankets. "Austin, baby: talk to me. What's wrong?"

Austin dragged a shaking hand through her hair, drawing a deep breath as she pulled the blankets up to her chin. "I keep imagining you with her."

"Her?" Victor asked in confusion, then it hit him like a slap in the face.  Fareeza.  "Baby...no..."

"I know you've told me that... but I can't help but wonder if you see her face when you're with me. It bothers me to think about the two of you that way."

Damn Afghan BITCH, Victor thought savagely glad for the semi-dark room so Austin wouldn't see the anger in his face and mistake it. "Aus, I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

She could hear the anger and frustration just below the soothing tone he'd adopted and she curled her legs up to her chest. Austin didn't truly think that Victor would hurt her, it was more her way of withdrawing into herself. It was her unconscious defense mechanism, one Victor recognized instantly.

"Aus, we don't need to do anything: just let me hold you. I'll just stay here with you tonight and hold you."

"No, go home...I don't want to be held," Austin answered flatly.

I'm not leaving you tonight Austin...no way. I do and those walls I've been tearing down are going to go up twice as high and twice as strong, Victor thought standing to pull on his jeans and T-shirt. No sense even pretending he was going to get any tonight. "I'm going to stay Austin."

"I don't want you here!" Austin whined beating her fist into the pillow for emphasis. "I don't want to keep thinking of you with her and wondering what it was she had that I don't! I don't want to think that when you're kissing me you're seeing her!"

He took a seat on the bed beside her running his hand up and down her arm. "It wasn't like that Austin...never. I'd never think of her when I was with you: it's not a possibility."

"WHY NOT? YOU HAD SEX WITH HER!" Austin shrieked jerking her arm away from him.

"Once love, only one time..."

"Tell me about it!" Austin snarled.

"It was after a bombing run...we were in the strike zone...damn near got killed, but when it was over there we were alive. It was an animal thing: I didn't even make the decision to do it...just one minute we were brushing the dust off the next I had my fly unzipped and her dress around her waist. Then I looked at her and I saw your face. All I could see was you Aus...then we heard people coming, to check on us, be sure we were okay."

"So you fucked her?" Austin hissed using the roughest language she could. She hated hearing that hard, cold word come out of her mouth, but it was the only way to describe what had happened.

"One time...that was it."

"Then why didn't you stop seeing her after that?"

"I needed her expertise Aus...she could speak the language, I knew a few words and that was it. I never had sex with her again: I couldn't. She tried getting something started a few times and I'd just freeze. All I could see was your face and all I could think was how I was betraying the one and only person I loved."

"But things still happened between you," Austin's stated, she knew better than to believe nothing else had ever happened.

"Blow jobs...a few hand jobs from her, but I never touched her again and I never kissed her."

"You treated her like a whore! Go away!" Austin rolled to her side and pulled a pillow over her head using the childish tactic to block him out.

"No Austin, I'm not leaving you: you're too upset," Victor soothed taking the opportunity to rub her back tenderly. She didn't try to shrug him off and he took that as a good sign. He didn't bother to try and refute her claim that he'd treated Fareeza like a whore: he knew he had. It wasn't something he was proud of, but it was the truth.

"I'm fine...please just go," Austin whimpered wearily.

"Not when we're finally talking and getting this all out in the open."

"Okay, fine...then here's one for you Jarhead: You need to be tested for STD's and HIV!"

Victor continued rubbing her back despite the sting of her angry words. He wanted to burst out and tell her she needed to be checked too, but he held his tongue: he had no right to hurt her more now by attacking her that way. "You're right."

"I know I am!"

Austin was silent again for awhile angry with herself for attacking him like that and furious with Victor for giving her reason to attack him.

Victor let the silence stretch while he continued rubbing her back letting the sting of her words fade, adding it to the ache in his heart from knowing he'd betrayed her. "I love you Austin...I know you don't believe that right now, you can't believe that right now, but it's true."

"You are all I thought about, hell: you're all I think about now. I must have called Colonel Mackenzie, Miss Bradford a dozen times today. Austin, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. I'll go have blood drawn daily: I'll submit to any tests you want me to have. Please baby, let me love you."

Austin turned to face him wiping a stray tear from her cheek. "You can love me Victor: I can't control your feelings, but I won't let you make love to me. There is no way in the world that you have earned that privilege."

"I understand," Victor agreed. "Baby, I love you."

"God help me: I love you too," Austin sighed.

"Then will you do something for me?"

"It depends."

"Hear me out on this...don't react until I'm done. I'd like you to come to the doctor's with me: I think we both need those tests and whatever other tests they require for a marriage license."

"How dare you??" Austin demanded slapping him soundly across the face. "Get the hell out now!!!"

"Aus, if  have the tests and they find something they'll want to test you anyway. I want to be sure I haven't done something to hurt you physically. If I have I will never forgive myself baby. I'd feel a lot better if we were both going into this rebuilding phase  knowing we were clean."

Austin thought about slapping him again just on principle then decided against it. He did have a point. "I'll think about it."
 

"That's all I can ask my love," Victor answered moving closer to her. "May I hold you Aus?"

"I wish you'd just leave me alone. Go home Victor."

"I can't do that. I made this mess and I have to try and fix it. I have to be a man and take responsibility for my mistake," Victor brushed a gentle kiss over her forehead sighing when she flinched away from him.

"I need you to leave," Austin begged feeling tears welling in her eyes. She was too tired to be doing this now all she wanted was sleep.

"I can't leave: I love you Austin Alexis Bradford and I need to be here with you. Even if you hate me right now I need to be here: I need to know you're okay and I need to be able to reassure you."

His words hung in the air around them while Austin thought. She knew it was up to her now. Things could either be on the way to okay or over and Austin knew it was up to her to make that decision. Victor was laying his heart at her feet and she needed to decide whether to stomp it to bits or accept it. "I can't trust you Victor."

"I'm not asking you to, I know you can't right now. I'm hoping you'll be able to someday though," Victor assured her gathering her tentatively into his arms. She didn't resist him, just held herself stiff.

"Austin, I want to tell you this now. I know it probably won't mean much, but just listen. Aus, you're going to be the only woman who knows for 100% sure that her man is never going to look at another woman and have any sort of sexual thoughts again. Every time I even think of ogling another woman it makes me feel sick inside."

The silence stretched on so long this time Victor figured Austin had fallen asleep in his arms. He eased to a reclining position on the bed still holding her.

"I want to trust you..."

Her soft voice nearly an hour later startled him and Victor grunted in surprise before he looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table. "I thought you were sleeping my love. You should be...it's almost 0300."

"Two hours of sleep isn't going to do me any good. I'd rather stay awake," Austin sighed. "I've been thinking. You do really love me, don't you?"

"I absolutely do," Victor affirmed. "I'd do anything to prove that to you. Anything at all."

"Okay then...I agree to be tested for STDs and HIV."

"It's only because I want to be sure I haven't hurt you Austin...not because of the other...I think we should go together, like I said earlier...maybe we could get any other tests we need for a marriage license at the same time."

"Whoa Marine...I'm not even ready to think marriage yet, you're getting a bit ahead of yourself. Let's just get the blood work done for now," Austin replied letting herself relax in his arms molding her body against his side getting drowsy despite her decision to stay awake.

"I'll make the appointment tomorrow morning," Victor yawned kissing her forehead smiling to himself when she rubbed her cheek against his T-shirt as she drifted to sleep

**************************************************************

0515 EST
Austin's Apartment
Rosslyn, Virginia


"I still say you've been spending way too much time with sailors," Victor teased as he stretched his hamstrings watching Austin go through her own stretching.

Austin stuck her tongue out at him lacking the coherence to produce a sentence. She'd cursed a blue streak at her alarm clock 15 minutes ago but that had been all she'd said. Her head throbbed dully and her stomach was churning from a mixture of too little sleep and too much stress. The last thing she felt like dealing with was some holier than thou Marine, even if he did look incredible in his sweats.

"Okay...guess I'd best not mess with you right now, huh? You know we can skip the jog Aus and you can get some more sleep."

"Let's just go before my brain realizes what I'm about to do and convinces me to shoot you here and now," Austin pleaded.

Victor looked stricken at the very thought and Austin felt somewhat gratified by his aghast look. Nice to know she could still shock him, Lord knew he could still shock the hell out of her.

Last night was a case in point, Austin thought to herself, mulling over what had happened between them as a way of keeping her mind from dwelling too much on what she was doing: namely jogging in the cold.

She'd expected him to walk out...sure he might have tried to explain himself once or twice, but no more than that and Austin had never thought he'd insist on spending the night reassuring her.

Well, I woke up this morning...that's one positive thing, Victor thought risking a glance at Austin noting that she was in her own little world. Aware enough not to trip over a tree root or run into something, but not aware enough to know if he snuck glances at her once in awhile.

He was still pissed as hell at Fareeza for what she'd ruined the night before. Austin had been so ready and then Fareeza had popped up between them and destroyed everything. Victor knew he was at fault for that, but he hated Fareeza just the same. If she'd left him alone after that one time then last night would have been the night he'd been wanting and needing for so long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

0830 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia



"Good Morning Miss Bradford, the Admiral would like to see you if you have a minute or two," Tiner greeted as soon as Austin entered the bullpen.

Austin took a hearty sip from her travel mug of coffee and nodded. "Please tell him I'll be in in a few minutes once I get my coat off."

Tiner watched Austin walk away smiling softly at the sway of her hips as she moved until he felt a sharp glare digging into his back. "Uh...Gunny...good morning..."

"Tiner...get back to work!" Gunny growled knowing exactly what the Petty Officer had been watching.

"Yes sir Gunny, right away!"

Victor dropped into the chair behind his desk rubbing his forehead while he tried to recall everything he had to do that day. At the top of the list was talking with Colonel Mackenzie as soon as he could. She was a woman: she'd know what he needed to do to win Austin back.

Harriet would know too, but Victor was smart enough to know that talking to Lieutenant Sims was going to open him up to a lecture he wasn't ready to sit through.

He watched Austin come back through the bullpen and into the Admiral's office feeling his jaw clench reflexively. Why did he need to see Austin first thing?

Guess I still have some issues too, Victor thought to himself deciding the first order of business was some coffee. Then he'd take a look at the day's schedule to see who was supposed to do what and when so he could keep them on top of things. That was his job after all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile...



"You wanted to see me Admiral?" Austin questioned as she stepped in the door.

"I did. Close the hatch and come in please," AJ smiled taking off his reading glasses. "I have a favor to ask of you."

"Sounds intriguing," Austin teased settling herself in one of the leather chairs.

"It has the potential to be a disaster," AJ frowned. "How would you feel about joining Meredith and I for dinner? You and Gunny, I should say."

"You're still seeing Meredith?" Austin questioned.

"At times. She found out Gunny used to be a weapons instructor and she wants him to teach her how to shoot."

"You have to be kidding me!" Austin blurted out without thinking. "I heard what happened with Harm's flying lesson...she could end up shooting Victor!"

AJ nodded and rubbed his head. "I realize that Austin, but there has to be one thing in the world besides teaching Shakespeare at which she isn't a dismal failure."

Austin snorted "Wanna bet? I'll have to ask Victor of course, but I don't think he'll mind. The dinner part anyway...I can't say about the target practice."

"Just ask if you wouldn't mind."

"AJ, it might not be any of my business, but why are you still seeing Meredith. It seems pretty obvious that she isn't making you very happy," Austin questioned softly.

He sighed and leaned back in his chair. She wasn't his subordinate, he couldn't just yell at her for her question. The truth of the matter was he was with Meredith because he was lonely. "I'm tired of going home to an empty house."

"What about Maria? Or Mac? You've expressed interest in both of them," Austin reminded.

"What about you?" AJ challenged, arching an eyebrow at her. "I expressed an interest in you too as I recall."

"AJ, that's not fair," Austin warned.

"No, it isn't. But it's honest."

"I never lied to you. I told you I wasn't in love with you."

"You're right Austin and I'm sorry," AJ sighed smiling at her. "Truce?"

"There's nothing to call a truce for AJ. I'm not angry with you. I'll check with Victor and let you know about dinner and the other."

"If it will influence him tell him I'll give him a Kevlar vest."

"I'll do that," Austin laughed getting to her feet.

AJ rose too watching her walk away. Damn Gunny was a lucky man.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1200 EST
JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

"Ma'am...can I talk to you please?" Victor requested as Mac walked by his desk.

"Only if you're planning on buying me lunch at Beltway Burger, Gunny."

"I can do that Ma'am," Victor affirmed with a nod as he got to his feet.

"Then I'll talk to you, " Mac smiled. "Commander Rabb was just asking Miss Bradford if she wanted to have lunch with him so now I'll have someone to eat with too."

"Commander Rabb and Miss Bradford, they're awfully chummy," Victor muttered darkly.

"He wants to talk with her about one of his cases Gunny...nothing more than that."

*************************************************

1220 EST
Beltway Burger



Victor mulled over what he wanted to say to Mac, the questions he wanted to ask her while they ordered their meals. He usually didn't go in for all the grease and sodium, but today he ordered a double cheeseburger and large fries. Looking at his tray as he followed Mac to a booth he figured he was probably going to give himself a heart attack and the conversation with her would be moot.

"Okay talk to me Gunny...I know something's wrong now," Mac ordered crossing her arms and leaning forward to look at him after they were seated.

"What do you mean Ma'am?"

"I mean look at what you ordered. You don't usually eat rabbit food, but this is excessive even for you. It looks like you're trying to clog your arteries completely with one meal."

"Might not be a bad thing Ma'am," Victor sighed forlornly.

"Okay...no pity parties Marine. You made a bad tactical error and you need to make amends for that," Mac reminded as she spread her meal out in front of herself.

"I thought we were close Ma'am...last night, Aus and I-then she remembered Fareeza and bam: back to square one."

"What did you expect?" Mac asked practically. She didn't understand men a bit. They seemed to think apologizing one time would make everything better. Not that Gunny wasn't trying to make things right with Austin, but he wasn't putting as much effort into the exercise as it required.

"That we could move past it."

"And you are moving past it, but Victor: you betrayed her. I think what makes it even harder is that Harm, Webb and I knew about it. She knows people she has to work and interact with everyday know what you did to her and to your relationship."

Victor nodded glumly. "Was she mad at you when she found out you knew Ma'am?"

"Call ma Mac...and I don't think mad is the word Victor: try pissed off, furious, livid...she wouldn't speak to me for weeks and boy did she let Harm and Webb have it. You'd have thought she was a DI the way she lit into them."

Victor grinned at the picture forming in his mind of Austin backing the cocky aviator and the spook into a corner. "She's a fiery one when she wants to be."

"And you love her very much don't you?"

"I do...I just want this all to be over: I want Aus back."

"Then you have to show her that. Make an effort to be interested in the parts of her life that don't involve you. She loves ballet and the symphony...things like that. Don't let the Admiral or Webb be the only ones who take her to those kinds of events."

"Webb?" Victor growled.

"Oh stop with the macho crap Victor. Webb took her to the opera one evening because his mother was out of town. And if the cultural stuff is too much show an interest in her job. She shows an interest in your job and your hobbies, do the same for her."

Victor nodded finally biting into his burger chewing while he thought about Mac's advice.

"You scored big points with her yesterday by not shredding the roses Webb gave her. Instead you put them in a vase for her. That shows her you don't feel threatened by him, even if you feel plenty threatened inside."

"He's got so much more than I do Mac...He could afford to fly her to Paris for dinner if he wanted to...I have to save for months just to be able to show her a nice evening around here."

"You think that matters to Austin? You have the potential to give her something Clayton Webb would never be able to, something all the money in the world can't buy: your love and your heart," Mac was amazed sometimes by how dense men could be about women. Didn't they realize that knowing someone loved and trusted you was better than all the money in the world?

"I guess so."

Mac rolled her eyes. "Listen to me Gunnery Sergeant: IF you love her as much as you're leading me to believe you do you need to show her that and buying her things isn't going to do that. Spend time with her, talk to her like she's a real person and her opinions matter to you; not like she's just some life-size Barbie doll. Dammit Marine: fight for her if you want her!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1535 EST

JAG Headquarters
Falls Church, Virginia

It was time to give up the fight, Austin realized when she'd spelled "accommodate" wrong for the third time in five minutes. She was just too sleepy to function right now. She'd go home, take a nice nap and with any luck sleep through until tomorrow morning.

She closed her laptop down before packing it into its carrying case and grabbing her coat and purse. She exited her office to find Victor making a fresh pot of coffee.

"You're leaving?"

She nodded. "I'm too sleepy to be any good here. I need a nap."

"I can drive you home...if you're that sleepy I don't want you on the road," Victor said worriedly.

"I'll be fine Gunny, don't worry about it. Call me when you get home I have something I need to ask you," Austin yawned patting his arm as she walked by him.

"Excuse me Miss Bradford, but I am worried. I'm afraid I'm insisting that you let me drive you home," Victor pushed latching on to her arm.

"Don't push this: I'm perfectly capable of getting home without your help."

Victor pulled her closer to him, lowering his voice. "Please Aus, you look so tired. I don't want you to get hurt or to have to worry about traffic. Let me drive you. I'm done here for the day anyhow."

"You're as tired as I am Marine," Austin noted brushing his cheek gently. She was touched that he was being so insistent about driving her home, it was sweet.

Victor was moving his head in position to kiss Austin when someone cleared their throat from the doorway. He looked up, surprise narrowing into anger when he saw Clayton Webb leaning on the doorframe smirking.

"On your way out Miss Bradford?"

"I am Mr. Webb. Did you need to see me?"

"No, I was just coming to get some coffee before I met with Admiral Chegwidden," Webb walked into the room and lifted Austin's hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles feeling the intensity of the glare Victor was directing at him increase. A little jealous Gunny?

"All right then...I'm out of here," Austin felt the tension in the room rising and decided if there was going to be a fight over her she was getting out now.

"Just one second Miss Bradford. I just want to let the Admiral know I'm leaving for the day and that he can reach me on my cell phone if he needs me," Victor directed one final glare at Webb before hurrying off to see the Admiral.

"Clayton, you're baiting him!" Austin hissed the accusation as soon as Victor was gone.

"Guilty as charged, but damn it's fun," Webb grinned wickedly.

Austin cuffed him on the shoulder. "Stop acting like a macho idiot before it gets you pounded to a pulp."

"Ah, you care."

"Clayton..." Austin shook her head and walked out of the room into the bull pen. She just wanted to get home. Maybe cuddling up to Victor while she napped would be nice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

VICTOR'S DREAM...


"What are you doing here?"

Victor whirled to find Fareeza standing in the doorway of her small hut arms folded over her chest.

"Have you decided you couldn't get enough of me? Fucking me like a common whore in the rubble wasn't enough for you?"

Some part of his brain was aware that this wasn't real, that he wasn't back in Afghanistan, that he was in fact sleeping in Austin's bed with her in his arms, but real or not Victor had some things to say and his subconscious wasn't going to let him rest until they were said. "I never treated you like a whore."

"Oh no? Then why did you take me like that?"

"Why did you use me? I would have helped you and your people anyway, it was the right thing to do and I would've done it," Victor shot back clenching his hands into fists at his side.

"You're an American: I wanted to be sure my people received aid. I didn't have the luxury of trusting that you were an honorable man," Fareeza shrugged as she sauntered over to him tugging on the waist band of his cammies suggestively. "We both benefited from the arrangement, did we not?"

"NO WE DIDN'T!" Victor roared pulling away from her. "I LOST THE RESPECT OF THE ONE PERSON WHO MATTERS MOST TO ME IN THIS WORLD! THANKS TO YOU AUSTIN HATES ME!"

"Poor baby...perhaps you should have considered her before you hiked my skirt around my waist."

"YOU RUINED MY LIFE! AUSTIN DOESN'T LOVE ME...I'M GOING TO LOSE HER. YOU USED ME TO GET WHAT YOU WANTED," Victor bellowed.

"If she is what you really want then have her," Fareeza shrugged with a laugh.

"I hate you, you bitch," He spat storming out of the hut to find Clayton Webb holding a report out to him.

"Thought you might want to read what I'm going to share with Austin right before I screw her...if she and the Admiral are done that is. Boy Galindez...they are one hot couple."

"Get out of my way!"

"'Fraid not Marine: I only asked you to get information from her: I didn't tell you to fuck her," Webb reminded smugly.

The dreamscape altered then and Victor found himself standing with Webb on the edge of a minefield he recognized as right outside the prison compound. He looked around in bewilderment until his gaze fell on Austin standing in the middle of the field. "NO!"

"Oh yeah Galindez: Roberts walked into a mine field to save a kid he didn't even know: Do you have the balls to walk into one for the woman you supposedly love?" Webb sneered.

"Victor?" Austin's voice sounded confused as she started to take a step toward him.

"AUS NO!!!" He bellowed charging forward without another thought.

"Victor: WAKE UP!!"

***************************************************

1720 EST
Austin's Apartment

Rosslyn, Virginia

He woke up with a gasp looking up into Austin's confused, sleepy eyes. "You-you're okay."

"Of course I am...though it's a wonder the way you've been thrashing around," Austin mumbled sleepily. "Are you okay...you're all sweaty."

"I'm okay...it was just a really bad dream..." Victor blew out a deep breath. "Can I hold you?"

Austin propped some pillows up behind her back before opening her arms letting Victor press his sweaty face against her chest while his arms wrapped around her waist. "Would you like to talk about your dream?"

"N-No."

"Poor love," Austin cooed feeling the tension humming through his body. "Just relax Vic...everything is okay."

"Long as I have you...everything's perfect...don't leave me Aus...please promise me."

Austin leaned her cheek against the top of his head smiling softly. They might still have issues to work through, but she had no intention of leaving him. She'd invested far too much time in this to just let him go now. "I'm afraid that you're stuck with me Marine."

"That doesn't scare me at all," Victor mumbled tightening his arms around her.

"How about teaching Miss Cavanaugh to shoot?" Austin teased.

"I told you I'd do it...I might live to regret it, but I'll keep my word."

"It'll be okay honey...AJ said he'd give you a Kevlar vest."

Victor mumbled a reply, slipping back to sleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Several Days Later
1500 EST

Admiral Chegwidden's Home

McLean, Virginia

"Welcome Victor, Austin. Glad you could make it," AJ called as he stood on the porch with Meredith. He watched with a smile as Victor went to Austin's door and opened it for her taking her hand to help her out. The private smile they shared wasn't lost on him. Looked like Austin was going to get what she wanted.

"Thank you for inviting us Sir," Victor answered formally fighting the urge to put a possessive arm around Austin's waist.

"Meredith, you know Austin Bradford. This is Gunnery Sergeant Victor Galindez: the current Office Manager at JAG Ops and a damn fine Marine. Just came back from Afghanistan not too long ago. Victor, this is Meredith Cavanaugh."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Ma'am," Victor smiled pleasantly extending his hand.

"Likewise Victor. I just can't wait for my first lesson with you! It's so wonderful that all of AJ's people are being so accommodating and helping me expand my horizons!"

Austin rolled her eyes after catching AJ's gaze grinning impudently when he arched one eyebrow at her. "It's nice to see you again Meredith."

"Oh you too Austin, you too!" Meredith gushed linking her arm through AJ's. "I think Victor and I should get started on my lesson, if you don't mind."

"I don't mind a bit," Austin lied. Frankly she was scared to death that Meredith was going to accidentally shoot Victor. She was a nice woman, but her complete lack of understanding of her own limitations was frightening.

"AJ?"

"Sounds fine to me as long as Victor's ready."

"Of course Sir."

"Victor: you're in my home as a guest: call me AJ," The older man admonished.

"I'll try, but it goes against my training. Miss Cavanaugh, whenever you're ready we can begin."

"Just let me get my gloves!"

Several minutes later the group stood on the back lawn the men checking the targets while Austin and Meredith watched.

"So how long have you and Victor been dating?" Meredith questioned conversationally.

"A little over a year...though he was gone for a great deal of that time."

"He's quite handsome...if I were a few years younger I might just give you a run for your money."

Austin bristled at Meredith's unwitting words, biting her lip hard to keep from saying something about what had happened between her and AJ. It wouldn't serve any purpose, Meredith was just teasing her.

"All ready for you Miss Cavanaugh," Victor called looking over as his CO tapped his shoulder.

"I know Marines don't duck Victor...but you might want to rethink that one," AJ whispered quietly as he watched Meredith approach. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me."

"It'll be fine Sir. I've taught some of the greenest recruits in the world to shoot."

"Good luck to you Gunny," AJ chuckled moving to stand with Austin who had retreated to the back porch thinking it might be safer.

"Tell me this is going to be okay and Victor isn't going to get hurt," Austin ordered jamming her hands in her jacket pockets.

"It's going to be okay, nothing will happen," AJ repeated.

"Now make me believe you," Austin said flatly.

"Now Austin," AJ scolded gently. "Meredith isn't that bad."

Austin just gave him a withering look before turning her attention to the lawn to see what was happening.

"Okay...rule one with firearms Miss Cavanaugh is that you never ever point them at someone else. Point the barrel at the ground...that way if something happens you aren't going to hurt anyone."

Meredith nodded paying rapt attention to all of Victor's instructions watching as he fired a few practice rounds into the bull's-eye of the target demonstrating how to hold the gun and sight down the barrel. "Oh this is so exciting!"

"All right Ma'am...it's your turn now. I'm going to help you get your stance right," Victor adjusted the way she was standing and put the gun into her hands adjusting her grip on it.

"Let me just step ba-" Victor began dropping to the ground when Meredith fired while he was still beside her.

"Oh, did you trip Victor?" Meredith questioned looking in confusion at the man on the ground in front of her.

"Must have Ma'am...wait until I step back some to fire please. I'll let you know when it's okay."

Meredith nodded and lowered the gun not realizing it was aimed at Victor.

"Ma'am, move your gun to the right please," Victor ordered in as calm a voice as he could muster when she was pointing a loaded gun at his crotch.

"Oh sorry! I didn't realize," Meredith unwittingly pulled the trigger and a bullet buried itself in the lawn.

Victor jumped to his feet glancing at the porch to see Austin looking white as a sheet. "A couple of rounds Ma'am...then it's getting pretty dark. We'll have to stop."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1745 EST

"What a wonderful meal," Austin lied with a smile as she surreptitiously folded the napkin in her lap over the chicken she'd slipped into it. She was going to owe AJ new napkins for this, but at least she wasn't looking green like AJ and Victor.

"Well thank you Austin, I'd be happy to give you the recipe. I made some custard for dessert."

"I couldn't possibly eat another bite Meredith, it was wonderful. Victor: how about you and I clear the table?" AJ suggested

"Oh that's a wonderful idea: then Austin and I can tell stories about the two of you!" Meredith giggled.

Victor pushed to his feet. Never in his life had he had food anything like that, not even in country. It tasted like she'd marinated the chicken in turpentine. It was sitting in his stomach like a lump of lead at the moment and he was wondering if the Admiral had a stomach pump handy somewhere.

"Don't give away all of my secrets," AJ suggested hustling into the kitchen with a load of dishes immediately turning on the tap to mask the sound of the garbage disposal.

"I always knew you were a brave man Sir...but I have a whole new respect for you now," Victor groaned entering with more plates. "I'd like to know why Aus doesn't look green though."

"She put her chicken in her napkin," AJ chuckled showing him Austin's plate.

"She's a sneaky woman...Sir, I hope I'm not offending you but have you got a stomach pump anywhere around? Ipecac syrup maybe?"

"Suck it up Marine."

"I"m trying sir...believe me I'm trying."

*****************************************************************************

A week later

1645 EST
Austin's Apartment

Rosslyn, Virginia

"I'm not so sure about this Aus," Victor called into the bathroom in as he adjusted his tie for the tenth time.

"What's not to be sure about?" Austin questioned as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. "You like classical music...this is classical music."

"I know...but I'm gonna be kind of out of place...Webb told me he was wearing a tux."

Austin sucked in an annoyed breath and counted to 10 making a mental note to kick Clayton in the shin when she saw him for making Victor nervous about attending the symphony. "He isn't wearing a tuxedo love...and if he is he's the one who will be out of place: not you."

There was no answer to her comment and Austin applied a light coat of makeup in record time curious about what Victor was doing. She padded out in her towel to find him wrestling with the silk tie he wanted to wear.

"Damn thing is making me NUTS!" Victor spat balling up the tie and throwing it at the mirror.

Austin shook her head. "Let me just get dressed then I'll help you with the tie."

"You should have asked Commander Rabb to take you to this," Victor sighed glumly taking a seat on the edge of Austin's bed watching her dress.

"Why would I do that?? You asked me Victor," Austin reminded slipping into the simple black sheath dress she was wearing.

"He cleans up better than I do," Victor answered.

"You clean up just fine Jarhead...now let's get this tie on you and get going."

"I love you Aus," Victor whispered pressing his lips against her forehead after she had tied the tie and adjusted it.

"I love you too Vic," Austin smiled patting his chest. "And for the record: I think we both clean up quite well."

She tugged him over to the mirror above her dresser to show him how good they looked together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2230 EST

Near McMurphy's Pub

"That was really great Aus...I can see why you like the live performances," Victor said as he navigated the streets keeping a careful eye out for pedestrians.

"I just love music...most types of music anyway. Rap still doesn't do a thing for me."

"Hey, want to stop in McMurphy's for a drink or something. I could even spring for those buffalo wings you love so much."

"Hey now Marine: don't spoil me or anything!" Austin teased leaning into her seatbelt to kiss his cheek. "Sure...let's stop in. Maybe we can dance a little too."

"Looks like some of the gang's here. There's the Admiral's SUV and Commander Rabb's...looks like Tiner's car too. Must be guys night out," Victor commented as he eased into a parking space.

"Ooh...lucky me...I'll get lots of attention."

Victor shot her a startled look and Austin laughed. "Oh please Victor: I have my military-type...I'm not looking to trade you in."

"I know that...it's just things have been kind of rough and I keep expecting you to tell me to take a hike. You could do better."

"Better than someone who loves me and is willing to admit his mistakes? Not too likely. Let's go in."

They stepped into the dark, noisy atmosphere and Victor scanned the bar finding his co-workers almost instantly. He led Austin over and noted Mac was with the group.

Mac was happy to see Austin and pulled her away from Victor claiming the need for female bonding.

"I see Austin convinced you to take her to the symphony this evening," AJ commented. "I'm buying...what'll you have Gunny?"

"Just a soda sir. I'm not going to make Austin drag my drunk six home."

"Ah, our Gunny's hoping to get lucky tonight!" Harm smiled knowingly patting Victor's shoulder.

"I'm lucky every night Sir," Victor countered knowing that Rabb was going to think he meant he was having sex every night and not caring. He was comfortable with his relationship with Austin even if it didn't include sex at the moment. He'd had enough sex to last him a lifetime: he wanted to make love...but only with Austin and only when she was ready.

Mac leaned closer to Austin across the little table they'd commandeered. "So tell me...how was the symphony?"

"It was wonderful. Victor loved it even though Clay tried to make him nervous by telling him that he should have had a tuxedo."

"I hope you did something suitably nasty to Clay for that!" Mac grumbled.

"His mother and I kicked him in the shins at the same time," Austin smirked.

"Good. I'm glad Gunny did that for you," Mac leaned even closer to whisper in Austin's ear. "He really truly loves you."

"I'm beginning to see that more and more," Austin smiled cocking her head when a song came up on the jukebox. "Oops...they're playing my song. If you'll excuse me I want to go grab my Marine."

"Go get 'im!" Mac giggled watching Austin wade into the men gathered at the bar and extract Victor from their midst.

"Hey Vic, feel like dancing?"

"Course I do...as long as it's with you," Victor put his arms around her waist.

"As far as I'm concerned it can always be with me," Austin purred wrapping her arms around his neck. "Listen to the words of this song love."

Victor did his best to concentrate, finding it wasn't easy with Austin also whispering the words in his ear. Her warm breath against his skin was stirring a feeling of desire he hadn't experienced in a long while. Then the words of the song sank into his awareness. He pulled back. "Why this song Aus??"

"Just listen love," Austin soothed. "...It seemed to me the pain would last. My chance for happiness had passed. Nothing waited round the bend. I was sure I'd never find someone to heal the damage you had done. My poor heart would never mend. Wrong again..." she whispered in his ear following the end of the song with a kiss.

"That song is pretty much about the way you felt when I betrayed you, isn't it?...but the end...does that mean we're okay now?" Victor asked hopefully.

"We're getting there Vic...and you're right. When you told me about Fareeza I thought for sure my life was over. I was wrong. That song just reminds me things aren't always as bleak as I can make them out to be."

Victor hugged her tightly, not caring if his CO was there and was seeing what was going on. Things were going to work out between him and Austin. That was all that mattered. That was all that had ever mattered.

****************************************

The lyrics Austin quoted are from the song "Wrong Again" by Martina McBride.